The majority of this website was designed and written in a bar.
It’s a little local beer and cigar place that sometimes has music and trivia and that sort of thing, but mostly I hang out here for the little out-of-the-way nook with a few comfortable couches where I lounge and work. It’s the sort of place where everyone knows my name, but I can stay for a couple of hours and be completely left alone, if that’s my mood.
I spend less money here in a month than I used to spend in a “normal” night out. I buy a beer when I walk in, and then pour about half of it out before I leave several hours later. Then I drive home safely, passing one convenience store after another, as well as a liquor store. It never crosses my mind to stop and buy a six pack or a bottle of wine to take to the house. My half beer satiates me. On days when I decide to do something else, I don’t think about that half beer. One recent night, I’d been here an hour before I realized I had failed to even open it.
This is a miracle.
My name is Tandy, and I had a more or less twice a week drink-to-blackout alcohol problem from about 24 to 48 years old. This I knew very early on that I was in serious trouble, and I also knew that the most commonly recommended course of action wasn’t going to work for me. I strongly felt that there was something wrong--something literally physically different—in my brain. I didn't believe that there were any options available that would fix me, because there was no option I’d heard of that would tackle the monster in my head directly. I had so much pain dealing with that monster—“The Push”—on the days I fought its ceaseless harassment to just start drinking already! that I could not envision living the rest of my life with that fight, one day at a time. It simply didn’t seem possible. I hated the outcomes of my drinking, and I could tell many disastrous drinking stories, some hilarious, some not funny at all, and I’m betting that my stories are already familiar to many of you from your own struggles.
So for 24 long years, I sat and drank and regretted and fervently wished for an answer that would work for me. In 2016, I accidentally found that answer—my miracle—and through no effort, no struggle, no meetings, no soul searching, no therapy, I became able to drink “like a normal person.” I will be talking about my personal miracle and how it lead me to naltrexone and The Sinclair Method in detail in posts to follow, but for today, I just wanted to introduce myself as a fellow traveler. Like many of you, I felt helplessness and shame over my out-of-control drinking. Like many of you, I’ve lost a great deal due to the differences in my brain that caused my drinking. Like many of you, I desperately wanted a miracle—something that would actually work to stop the cravings and the endless dismal cycle.
Hopefully, my story and journey from lost and hopeless to discovering The Sinclair Method will encourage you that there is something out there that can help you. At the very least, I hope that the voluminous research I have done to discover why some brains can put on the brakes when it comes to alcohol, while others cannot, will help you to understand that this is not a problem of morality or spirituality or even “willpower.” It is a problem of neurochemistry, science has some answers, and is on the hunt for more. Science is going to solve the problem of addiction for many of the millions of us who suffer. I strongly believe that because I’ve lived it.
From my couch (I’ve even hidden a blanket here) I hear that it is near closing time at my friendly neighborhood hangout—they close very early—so I’m wrapping it up. Next post, I will tell you about how I got from where I was, with a drinking problem likely to eventually kill me, to TSM. It is a circuitous but illuminating trip.
Important Note: A person doesn’t have to have the same degree of issue with alcohol as I did for The Sinclair Method to help. If you have found yourself routinely drinking more, or more frequently, than you planned; if it is becoming a problem in your relationships; or affecting you negatively in other ways, but you continue to drink despite knowing the harm it is causing, TSM may still be a great solution for you. There are personal characteristics that appear to increase the effectiveness of naltrexone for an individual, and a small percentage of people for whom the medication doesn’t appear to be as useful. But we will get into all of that in future posts, and I am working on fleshing out a page full of research and resources for you about alcohol use disorder and medicine-assisted therapies for it. My business, Byrd TSM Coaching is now open, so you can schedule a consult or appointment. I am also always happy to answer questions or just talk about these issues, so send me an email anytime. I'd love to hear from people struggling with their drinking, as well as anyone who has a loved one with these issues and would like to learn more about TSM.
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